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Oct. 26th, 2005 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anomic_bluei wish i was one of those of those people that things make sense for. not everything, but most things- the big things.
instead of wandering around looking at myself and realizing how many pieces of me are missing. not even missing, not like their lost, or disapeered- that they were never there to begin with. this isn't a case of numbness masking an overwhelming pain, this isn't neglect or misuse. this isn't incompleteness, this is complete- its just less than other people.
and its not just a case of self-loathing or a broken mirror.
there are just times when i come against people or ideas and i realize- its not there for me. not at all. and i just don't fucking get it.
i feel like a child, i just DON'T GET IT. its not a niave innocence, it's not like i haven't experienced the same things... its just that they don't seem to mean anything to me.
instead of wandering around looking at myself and realizing how many pieces of me are missing. not even missing, not like their lost, or disapeered- that they were never there to begin with. this isn't a case of numbness masking an overwhelming pain, this isn't neglect or misuse. this isn't incompleteness, this is complete- its just less than other people.
and its not just a case of self-loathing or a broken mirror.
there are just times when i come against people or ideas and i realize- its not there for me. not at all. and i just don't fucking get it.
i feel like a child, i just DON'T GET IT. its not a niave innocence, it's not like i haven't experienced the same things... its just that they don't seem to mean anything to me.
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Date: 2005-10-27 08:07 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-10-31 07:53 pm (UTC)