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also... this is exciting. wasn't i just talking about this a couple months ago? i wouldn't invest in first gen, but maybe by second...

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i fail to understand these changes in mood.
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everywhere i go lately, everyone is talking/writing about turing machiness. i don't know what i am supposed to get from this. 

my fucking teeth hurt. the other ones. this is unfair. i am too old to be teething. and also too broke.

actual (sort of) new years resolution: quit smoking. drink less. GO SOMEWHERE.  sure, its an arbitrary reason to change your life. but arbitrary is as good as anything else i could come up with.
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fields of strawberries. the long, lonely walk from the ferries.

ah, fuck. there it is. unreal.



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okay, thats the fifth bank card this year. seriously.
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Do we drink because we know there is a negative correlation between how much alcohol we consume and our decision making abilities?
Sometimes we just want to make bad decisions right?


what do i have to clean up this morning? a lot less than i could. sometimes i make smaller bad decisions so that i don' have to make larger ones.

i don't always do that you know - i have weeks, months of drinking and not contacting you in anyway. just every once and while, i want to act like an asshole.

i thnk that was the first time in years that someone has asked me what i wanted. even if it was just rote, it hurt a little - not the question, the absence of it. i don't always get what i want. but you knew that, right?

there's not much to clean up this morning. nothing visible anyway. if anything i said or did caused little cracks i can't see them yet - they'll manifest later, to my shock as always - what? i affected something? how is that possible?

i have to see my parents in a couple hours. more christmas shopping to do before then.

i am so fucking tired. c'mere, come lay down with me. lets go to sleep, just for a while. i am done with chasing shadows.
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the christmas lights, my overwhelming grief. 

this is so familiar. 
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[Error: unknown template 'video']

i'm sorry, but i find this totally hilarious.
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drinking at toby's, bride of chucky, text messages, calling a cab, 7-11, stupid pen stamp at lick, buying drinks, where is juiien? more drinks, more drinks, smoking, c'mon ireena dance (i guess that time was just your influence), 3 people in a bath room stall, "i'll get over it", a girl named tao, the lotus, straight couple very obviously trying to pick up a third, finally - a cab driver who will actually let five people ride, walking to buy smokes on the drive, lots of gum, an entire house hidden behind beckwomans (who knew?), a few hipsters and a few thugs, we tried to explore but were blocked by bodies every time, a quick jaunt into the park and the back, passed out girl,  rape-y thug guy, helping passed out girl find her hipster friends, some guy named lucas - i think i am doomed to only meet people who are or have gone to sfu, random makeouts, water, "don't tell my boyfriend!", i guess i gave that guy my number because he called this afternoon. how drunk was i? back to tobys, did i insult that guys hair? calling jesse to harass him on his way to work, little dogs, almost asleep on the couch, time to go home its 0630.
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http://www.newscientisttech.com/article/dn10635

just another robot? or the first real step towards a mecha future? either way, i can't help but worry what happens if your head gets cut off while you're plugged in.

I'm kind of loving this nelly furtado song. is it just me or is everything she's putting out reminescant of the 80's? why do i love the eighties so much?

the buzzer system at the apartment building is not working properly. you can buzz the apartment, but we can't let you in. the buzzer system at work seems to be suffering the exact same problem. how coincidental. i guess you're going to need a key, if you want to get in.

Christmas - Jesse, Kathleen & Toby style (and possibly Tabby, just to mix things up) appears to be on for this year as well. Is this depressed anti-xmas debauchery becoming an annual thing? How many years does something need to happen in order for it to be a tradition?
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well thats one of those things that makes you suspect you may in fact be losing your mind.

except that... its not just you. other people experienced it as well.

unless, you're a "beautiful mind" kind of crazy. that would explain it.

what else can explain it?

....

the server failure restoring old preferences? maybe. maybe.

anyways...
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dammitt! youtube has taken down the amy-poehler/britney-spears/new-york-slice-of-pizza/back-up-system-for-panties rant! damn you copyright law! damn you!
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holy violent mood swings.
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oookay body, up to your old tricks again? what is going on with you? 

things to do this weekend: see a dr   reschedule dr appt
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stuck at work. this is frustrating. 

i haven't been answering my phone all day, because i've been sleeping. i came to work to pick up some things i forgot here on friday after the supervisors party. upon my arrival, i discovered that the office relief had booked off. which meant, effectively, that i had to work. so i called the girl who was "sick" (i suspect she was actually at the rolling stones concert) and essentially threatened her until she agreed to come in for 00:00 - 07:00. 

so i'm stuck here until midnight. which sucks. because: 

1. i will not get to witness what can only an awesome penis pinata getting smashed
2. i will probably not get to hang out and go to a random party with jessie
3. i have not eaten ANYTHING today. i am very hungry. 
4. i had actually planned to come in to work tomorrow and do work, but now i am way too pissed to be back here before monday.

on the upside, i am stealing toilet paper from work, as i doubt the other jesse has bought any (as promised) yet.

i have seen pictures from the aforementioned party - and they are not bad. my hair looks super healthy and shiny - so that makes me happy. 

i feel like someone kicked the shit out of me. i don't why, except perhaps the excessive drinking. i am sore! and sad. aw. i woke up in my clothes ontop of my blankets, and was mysteriously cold. despite telling people inumerous times last night that it was going to snow today, i was shocked to discover snow when i left the apartment. it must have been sheer instinct that compelled me to put on legwarmers under my jeans. i am still cold though. 

and sad. and pissed off. and hungry.
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1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you said?
mascara everywhere! good god.

2. When is the next time you will make out?
i don't have it planned.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "LUCK"?
fuck, obviously.

4. What's your favorite planet?
pluto

5. Who's the 4th person on your missed calls list?
Work

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
ACDC "For those about to Rock" or the banana phone song...

7. What shirt are you wearing right now?
i'm not. i just got out of the shower, so i am wearing a towel.

8. What do you "label" yourself as?
i don't.

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
none.

10. Bright or dark room?
dark. unless i'm reading - then bright.

11. What do you think about the person who last took the survey?
too many things to write here. sorry! cop out. "she's the girl with the sweetest smile"

12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?
the bigger and/or cleaner one, unless they are both singles and then i push them together and sleep on both

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
drinking at the oddysey, probably smoking on the balcony or losing my shit over that amazing drummer

14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say?
Okay?. talk later of tomo.

15. What just so happens to be the best song in the world?
ah-ha, take on me

16. What's a word or phrase that you say a lot?
"curious", "that's fair/reasonable"

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
jessie

19. How many drugs have you done in the past 3 days?
some advil

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
none

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
this one is not so bad, so far. i think 20 was a good year too...

22. Your worst enemy?
hard to control frizz and flyaways... no, probably - my own weakness.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
its tabby's, and i think its a picture of a pirate

24.What is the last thing you said to someone?
"mm-hmm, okay, yeah, talk to you later"

25. The last furry thing you touched?
The cat

26. Do you love someone?
yes

27. Last song you listened to?
yeah yeah yeahs - gold lion

28. If the last person you spoke to on the phone was getting shot at, what would you do?
"lose my shit and call 911" sounds about right

30. Do you do the games in the ads on myspace?
i don't do myspace

31. What are your favorite PJs?
boxers and a transparent alice cooper '86 t-shirt that used to belong to jesse

32. What do you do when you pass graveyards?
notice

33. Have you ever seen a shooting star?
yep. at least, thats what i assume it was.

34. How old do you think you'll live?
65?

35. Have you ever been to www.*********.com?
no

36. List five things you want to do in your lifetime:
travel, go back to school, learn another language, make serious life altering connections with other people, understand physics

37. What do you put on your hamburgers?
cheese, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard, mayo, relish, salt and pepper

39. Do you eat raw hot dogs?
no

40. How much salad dressing do you put on your salad?
a reasonable amount
anomic_blue: (Default)
Dear kathleen,
Here is your horoscope for for Sunday, November 19:
Still waters run deep, but sometimes still waters turn stagnant. It's time to stir them up. Do you understand how your emotions translate into actions? Are you aware of how your actions affect people?
anomic_blue: (Default)
i don't understand what's happening. i don't think i could explain my life, or my mind, right now - even if i wanted to.

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